It blows my mind how beautifully my life is coming together. I’m also so proud of myself for all the positive changes I’ve made for myself too. A job, school, a man who’s my best friend, my teammate, and my lover. True friends are a big one too, i have some amazing fucking friends. And I’ve lost 35 pounds so far through clean eating and mild exercise and that right there is just fantastic.
But what’s most important is that now, i’m not losing weight for appearance. I’m losing for the benefits it’s gonna give me like reduced risk of lotttttts of diseases. I want to be healthy now, and i won’t lie when i say that yes, my appearance is going be rockin’ too, and that will bring a smile to my face, but my health is my new priority because healthy is happy.
And k like, being moved out with my man is just… it’s everything i could ask for. I love our ability to work with each other, and the raw and brutal honesty we face every day. i truly can say that he is so right for me. He met me at a perfect point in my life when i was changing for the better. I’ve learned to take blame for my problems, and admitted all my faults. In the past year, I’ve broken myself down into tiny pieces, trying to fix all the bits i’ve broken through bad karma and negative energy and stupid choices (that i can full admit i chose to do) and i’ve grown. I can feel it. I have an honesty in my soul i used to shun. I have an opening to my thoughts that i refused to open before, and I’m ready to forgive myself for the choices i made. And through some of this journey, he has been there, giving me advice, let me cry in his arms, venting my issues. When i broke down and relapsed a couple months ago, he was there. All night he was by my side helping me get through the panic attacks and the anxiety and the “sorry’s”. He deserves better in my eyes, but to him I’m all he wants. And I can say… that i only want him. I know what trials the universe has given for me to test my loyalty, because i know I’ve failed them before and i passed this time because i felt in my heart that i belong with him. The first time meeting him was my last moment as a “single girl” (in my mind and heart at least) and after that it was just us. 8 months later and it’s still strong. I’m with him because it feels so right. And the most important part is i’m with him because we both love each other, we both want to work at this friendship, and i myself know that im with him for the fact that he is one of the KINDEST human beings i know, and he radiates with positivity and love and compassion and his soul is so pure. Even more than mine. I aspire to be as good and kind a soul as he.
what’s also so great is I’m living MY life now. Its what i need to learn to do. I have family and friends to help, but this life is my own, and my soul is the one to grow and learn, and indeed it shall. I’m starting my mental garden. I shall plant beautiful flowers, weed out the ugly scary thoughts, and it shall flourish.
Lying in bed, him sleeping beside me, is wonderful.
I dont think my life could seriously get better.